I am More Than a Disability, 1990s, by Garth R. Harding

From MemoryArchive

Who: Garth R. Harding
What: Recovery from Mental Illness
When: 1990s
Where: New York, New York

I used to think I wasn’t “normal,” or special in this world. or anyone deserving appreciation. My self-esteem was very low. As I learned from a social worker in the JBFCS, normalcy is perspectively relative -- who is perfectly normal? Just be yourself: a good person who cares about yourself and others. As my network of friends grew from all races, ages, cultures, economic stratas, males and females, I learned that I am a valuable part of society and am constantly making a difference in my sphere of influence.

I realized that I’m an appreciable part of society when I was respected as a human being who is a person and not a category in a Psychiatric Book of Mental Illnesses by my doctor and older brethren in church. I’ve been a member of Fountain House for 12 years since I was 18 and what I admire of the Clubhouse Model is their commitment to raise the quality of life for their members exemplified through the “Work Day” ethic in various Units and TEPs (Temporary Employment Placements). Also, their fervent determination to remove discrimination and stigma for mental health consumers by the Advocacy Group is exemplary.

I am now returning as a junior to Brooklyn College as a weekend adult student next spring because I had a relapse last summer, with too much schoolwork giving me unnecessary stress. I plan to take a class, but at the same time I’m applying for a horticulture internship in propagation at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden where I’ve been volunteering for the past two years. I suppose what facilitates this upward move is that I’ve been a member of the Horticulture Unit for the past 12 years. Janet and the director Ruth are very sincere women who put up with a lot and really care.

Before incurring my disability, an evolved bipolar disorder, I was a library intern at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and an engineering student at Polytechnic University under scholarship. During the academic year at 17 years old, I was also nominated as a potential cadet for the United States Military Academy by the Honorable Major Owens upon completion of one year of Army ROTC. Again, I can trace the budding of my illness to overwhelming stress.

I didn’t make the West Point class due to failing an eye test. As a transfer to Brooklyn College in 1988, I enlisted in the USMC but decompensated before going to Boot Camp. Given a second chance by the Corps, my doctor determined that I leave and heal. And from then on I was connected to Fountain House. Really, it was because they had a beautiful farm in High Point, NJ that I was sent to the Clubhouse. I was also part of the Maimonides Mental Health Program and much credit must be given to them for my rehabilitation, especially the diligent social worker Claude Dekyser and their music and dance therapy assisted by a very nice dance instructor Nancy Koprack.

My vision is stated in the Fountain House creed: “Our goal is a high quality of life for all members, ongoing improvement and the ultimate elimination of stigma against those with mental illness....” Presently, what I intuitively sense is an insidious assault on anything lending itself to mental health, for example in radio commercials and in public life. But there are positive signs too like the ads in the subway system that “Mental Health Treatment is Working” and the possibility of “swing votes” with our constituency in the 2000 general election.

As one of the supervisors in the Horticulture unit told me yesterday, you have to look inside yourself and believe in who you are to strive forward to succeed and don’t give up. Everybody is a gift and has a gift. What you do with it is ultimately your determination.

Reproduced with permission from New York City Voices, where you will also find more information about recovery.